A Threat or a Promise

Continuing from my previous note, "Never Will I Leave You; Never Will I Forsake you,"I would like to challenge my Christian brothers and sisters to reach for greater heights in your marriage, to be committed to growth and excellence in this most intimate alliance. It is reported that the root of many marriage problems take root in the first two years and the greatest exodus into divorce takes place at year seven. Clearly leaving things unacknowledged, unresolved and in disrepair can be fatal.

I have been known on occasion to joke with my husband as he leaves our house. In response to his promise to return at a stated time, I sometimes quip "Stop threatening me." All joking aside, our promises to stay with each other forever can feel suffocating if they are not also accompanied by a commitment to personal growth and a proactive approach to nurturing each other. Unlike the comfort and confidence Christ's love and commitment instills, life lived between two sinners requires a great deal of courage, wisdom and reality checking.

In the latter case we can remind ourselves that Christ is both willing and able to fulfill all His promises to His people. We can repose in His self-less love. Our calm assurance is rooted in the fact that Christ is thoroughly good and all-powerful. He has no guile, no sub-consciousness, no deficiency or imperfection. He is so committed to the well-being of His bride that He gave himself up for her.

The first case is littered with landmines. That sinner you married does have blind spots, impaired self-awareness, and triggers. Your spouse has both deficits and defects. Collisions with your blindness, hot buttons, and dysfunctions are inevitable. What are you going to do about these things?

The typical church-goer's response includes seasons of praying harder or trying harder. When that doesn't seem to work the battle intensifies. Shifting into victim mode, we euphemize (not euthanize) our despair with religious platitudes and determine to quietly endure our plight and practice large doses of longsuffering and patience. We embrace our pilgrim status and long for a time when we will live with Christ, who does understand us and love us perfectly.

Unsuspectingly, with Bible verses to back this rigid, judgmental stance we apply the equivalent of a tourniquet. We ensconce ourselves in that which separates us, rather than in our union. We cement ourselves in a pattern of non-growth and we barracade ourselves in our hurt and disappointment....unless we choose another way...another, more biblical, more healthy approach... More to come.