Sometimes I lose sight of the obvious things. I temporarily forget foundational truths that otherwise keep me focused and balanced. Day to day life comes in to overwhelm me. Or things just sneak up on me. Before I realize it I am under a mountain (or at least a molehill) of things I have left unprocessed. My sense of well-being gasps for air under such piles. It is at times like these that friends who will remind me of what I know become such a blessing to me.
At other times, it's the unidentified, emotion-laden baggage that I carry which holds me captive. In this case, it's not propositional truth that delivers me, but a fresh experience of God's grace. It is at times like these when nothing will substitute for a personal message from Him. This is when the existentialist's emphasis on the here-and-now is of utmost importance. Because it is only in the here and now that God's grace is experienced. Right here. Right now.
The thing I find exciting about all of this is that my friend can be a conduit for fulfilling either need. She can remind me of the propositional truths that I am forgetting. Or she can usher in a fresh encounter with God. Solitude is not a requirement for such connections. Sometimes God uses my friend's voice to speak to me. Sometimes He uses mine to convey a tender, personal message to my friend or to the client whom I am serving.
For instance, knowing I will be with this friend (or client) soon, I pray "God, what is it that you want to say to ______?" As I give myself to contemplating our meeting, perhaps a singular thought recurs... A thought such as, "she has a problem, but she thinks she is a problem."
I wonder about the recurrence of this thought, so I venture out and say to my friend, "Do you know that you are not a problem?" If she responds with a blank stare I assume the thought was me-generated and it served no purpose. But if she wells up in tears and tells me she has been plagued by self-doubts and despair, I tell her I have reason to believe that the comment was given to me by God. I tell her, "I think God wants you to know that you are not a problem" and then I step out of the way.
I start to I wonder if I should be slipping off my shoes, because I am pretty sure I am standing on holy ground.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
Third Wave Psychology, Cognitive-Behavioral Psychology and Theology
There are parts of the Third Wave Psychology, that sound quite a bit like what Brennan Manning speaks of in his book, Abba's Child. A book I have been enjoying very much.
It seems to me that Steven Hayes, author of Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life, and proponent of the Third Wave is suggesting that we don't cure a problem by focusing on it. Instead, he seems to suggest that we successfully change by acknowledging the negative thoughts that exist in us and then focus on investing our time and energy pursuing our core values.
According to Time magazine, Hayes says. "We should acknowledge that negative thoughts recur throughout life. Instead of challenging them, we should concentrate on identifying and committing to our values. Once we become willing to feel negative emotions, he argues, we will find it easier to figure out what life should be about and get on with it."
I've spent a good portion of my adult years disregarding and devaluing emotions; especially the negative ones that "good" Christians aren't supposed to have. I have come to realize that this method doesn't square with the Bible and it doesn't lead to wholeness. I have come to realize that the more I succeeded with my faulty, unrealistic goal, the more robotic and detached from myself and other people I was becoming. The more stoicism I embraced the less like Christ I was becoming. To be sure, my cognition was faulty, my but transformation began when I experienced a series of new things. An electrical shock tends to generate new thought rather instantaneously.
Manning quotes James Masterson, M.D., "It is the nature of the false self to save us from knowing the truth about our real selves, from penetrating the deeper causes of our unhappiness, from seeing ourselves as we really are - vulnerable, afraid, terrified, and unable to let our real selves emerge." Manning concludes, "Whatever is denied cannot be healed (2002)." Yet, cognition alone will never accomplish the task of change. All the symptom logs in the world won't help an alcoholic to think or behave their way out of their addiction.
The apostle Paul's teaching seems to support Hayes' idea of acknowledging what you don't want, then pursuing what you do want. "Do not get drunk on wine...but be filled with the Spirit (Eph. 5:18)." Paul tells those who have been stealing to start working and sharing; kindness, compassion and forgiveness are to replace bitterness, rage and anger. (Eph.4:28). Paul seems to be saying that the "don'ts" disappear when the "do's" are embraced, assuming the issue of our identity has been addressed.
As with many psychological theories, I find shadows and traces of biblical values in the Third Wave Psychology. I see such a shadow in Zindel Segal's suggestion that we go through the process of "disidentifying with thoughts—seeing them not as who we are but as mere reactions (read more)." It reminds me of what Paul told the Roman believers when he encouraged them to see themselves as dead to sin and alive to God (Rom. 6:11). It also reminds me of Manning's main thrust as he challenges Christians to live out of their identity as God's beloved, Abba's child.
It seems to me that Steven Hayes, author of Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life, and proponent of the Third Wave is suggesting that we don't cure a problem by focusing on it. Instead, he seems to suggest that we successfully change by acknowledging the negative thoughts that exist in us and then focus on investing our time and energy pursuing our core values.
According to Time magazine, Hayes says. "We should acknowledge that negative thoughts recur throughout life. Instead of challenging them, we should concentrate on identifying and committing to our values. Once we become willing to feel negative emotions, he argues, we will find it easier to figure out what life should be about and get on with it."
I've spent a good portion of my adult years disregarding and devaluing emotions; especially the negative ones that "good" Christians aren't supposed to have. I have come to realize that this method doesn't square with the Bible and it doesn't lead to wholeness. I have come to realize that the more I succeeded with my faulty, unrealistic goal, the more robotic and detached from myself and other people I was becoming. The more stoicism I embraced the less like Christ I was becoming. To be sure, my cognition was faulty, my but transformation began when I experienced a series of new things. An electrical shock tends to generate new thought rather instantaneously.
Manning quotes James Masterson, M.D., "It is the nature of the false self to save us from knowing the truth about our real selves, from penetrating the deeper causes of our unhappiness, from seeing ourselves as we really are - vulnerable, afraid, terrified, and unable to let our real selves emerge." Manning concludes, "Whatever is denied cannot be healed (2002)." Yet, cognition alone will never accomplish the task of change. All the symptom logs in the world won't help an alcoholic to think or behave their way out of their addiction.
The apostle Paul's teaching seems to support Hayes' idea of acknowledging what you don't want, then pursuing what you do want. "Do not get drunk on wine...but be filled with the Spirit (Eph. 5:18)." Paul tells those who have been stealing to start working and sharing; kindness, compassion and forgiveness are to replace bitterness, rage and anger. (Eph.4:28). Paul seems to be saying that the "don'ts" disappear when the "do's" are embraced, assuming the issue of our identity has been addressed.
As with many psychological theories, I find shadows and traces of biblical values in the Third Wave Psychology. I see such a shadow in Zindel Segal's suggestion that we go through the process of "disidentifying with thoughts—seeing them not as who we are but as mere reactions (read more)." It reminds me of what Paul told the Roman believers when he encouraged them to see themselves as dead to sin and alive to God (Rom. 6:11). It also reminds me of Manning's main thrust as he challenges Christians to live out of their identity as God's beloved, Abba's child.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Peace of Mind $1.89
With one flick of a switch a shadow hovered over my day. The garbage disposal hummed instead of whirring as it should have. Darn it! Dirty dishes filled the sink, I was in a hurry to get out the door to a funeral, other more pressing issues awaited me. I was stuck. Recollections of a most recent $400 plumbers bill loomed ominously in my mind. I don't have time for this...yet I have no other choice. This is a problem that doesn't just disappear. One has to address it sooner or later. It will sit and wait patiently for you and outlast all of your dismissals and denials. The dishes will continue to pile no matter how much money you do or do not have to cover the cost of a plumber.
As I proceed with my day, thoughts of the malfunctioning mechanism continue to brew and bubble. Nagging thoughts invade my mind. Didn't I solve a problem like this years ago? I'm trying to focus on the people in front of me. Didn't I buy an allen wrench to loosen that gadget on the underside? I want to live in the present. Where did I put that wrench?
Back at home, I rummage through closets and cubbies. What did that thing look like? Stress is mounting. I wanted to spend my day in other ways. How big is it supposed to be? STOP IT! Stop letting this minor problem monopolize your day. I walk a mile up to the local hardware store and tap into the 30+ years of experience the gray-haired man behind the counter invested in knowing such things. I ask my question, his eyes immediately register insight, he walks briskly over to the exact tool I need and says "That'll be $1.89, please."
I feel my spirit is lighter as I stroll the mile home. I reflect on the story of the couple who distressed for two years over what they feared was a transmission going bad. The fear kept them babying the car, avoiding using their reverse and avoiding the mechanic for fear of a big bill. Instead they held their breath and nutured their angst until circumstances forced them to address the problem. The end result? "That'll be $5.00, please." A screw was loose.
My handy new wrench does the trick. With some running water and a slight twist, a jammed cherry pit is dislodged and my disposal is whirring again. I tape my new wrench to the side of the disposal. It's standing at attention, ready to rescue me the next time. There will be a next time. But I have been changed in the process. I've learned that dealing with facts is much less stressful than perseverating over possibilities. I've learned that being organized is a gift of time and energy to myself. I've learned that tapping into other people's strengths makes me stronger. I learned that sometimes the only thing that stands between me and peace of mind is just a short stroll and $1.89.
As I proceed with my day, thoughts of the malfunctioning mechanism continue to brew and bubble. Nagging thoughts invade my mind. Didn't I solve a problem like this years ago? I'm trying to focus on the people in front of me. Didn't I buy an allen wrench to loosen that gadget on the underside? I want to live in the present. Where did I put that wrench?
Back at home, I rummage through closets and cubbies. What did that thing look like? Stress is mounting. I wanted to spend my day in other ways. How big is it supposed to be? STOP IT! Stop letting this minor problem monopolize your day. I walk a mile up to the local hardware store and tap into the 30+ years of experience the gray-haired man behind the counter invested in knowing such things. I ask my question, his eyes immediately register insight, he walks briskly over to the exact tool I need and says "That'll be $1.89, please."
I feel my spirit is lighter as I stroll the mile home. I reflect on the story of the couple who distressed for two years over what they feared was a transmission going bad. The fear kept them babying the car, avoiding using their reverse and avoiding the mechanic for fear of a big bill. Instead they held their breath and nutured their angst until circumstances forced them to address the problem. The end result? "That'll be $5.00, please." A screw was loose.
My handy new wrench does the trick. With some running water and a slight twist, a jammed cherry pit is dislodged and my disposal is whirring again. I tape my new wrench to the side of the disposal. It's standing at attention, ready to rescue me the next time. There will be a next time. But I have been changed in the process. I've learned that dealing with facts is much less stressful than perseverating over possibilities. I've learned that being organized is a gift of time and energy to myself. I've learned that tapping into other people's strengths makes me stronger. I learned that sometimes the only thing that stands between me and peace of mind is just a short stroll and $1.89.
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